Not Waving, just Flagging; or why Red equals DANGER!

I’m trying to get to the bottom of this. English flags, according to a report commissioned for Ed Balls (left) the Children’s Secretary, are often banned from schools with Health and Safety being cited as the reason.

Precedence for such bans is well documented. If you Google “’England Flag’ banned”, you’ll get 2,050 hits and they detail councils, schools, Tesco etc all banning the English flag, often for the same safety excuses. If you Google “’Scotland Flag’ banned” you get 149 hits, but none of them report the flag actually being banned.

You will also easily find well documented cases (here, here, here and here) where possessing an English flag has indeed caused its wavers Health and Safety problems. However, closer examination seems to show that these problems are more attributable to dangerous Scotsmen, than dangerous flags.

Strangely there is a lack of similar stories for Scottish Saltire wavers, so maybe there is some truth in the health and safety claims. We need to examine this further…

In Scotland, the picture is very different. The Scottish Saltire is obviously very safe, as you can see from the photo on the right. Salmond is visiting St Margaret’s Primary School near Edinburgh where just about every child is recklessly waving a Scottish flag. He seems quietly confident, although his colleague grins nervously. The kids are obviously unaware of any kind of imminent danger and, as far as we know, the HSE have not commented on the incident.

So, why is the Scottish flag so safe for school children and the English one so damned dangerous?

One theory, put about by crackpots like me, is that Scottish schools are controlled by the Scottish Parliament and the Scottish Parliament is accountable to the Scottish people. English schools, on the other hand, are controlled by the British government which is headed by a person who is accountable to, er the Scottish people as well (no, really, I’m being serious).

The other theory is that it’s the colour red that makes it so damned dangerous. Look at the Scots’ flag, it has no red, just relaxing blue. Could it be that danger lurks within the colour red? This is the only other possible explaination for well educated teachers out there to genuinely believe that Scottish flag = safe, English flag = dangerous! (again, I'm being serious).

I have written to the BRITISH Health and Safety Executive asking if they have an official line on why English flags are such a peril. The web site says they’ll get back to me within ten days; if they do, I’ll let you know what they say.

In the meantime, for the safety conscious amongst us, I’ve found a hard hat with a Cross of St George on it.


I must admit that I can’t decide if it is a safer flag, or a more dangerous hat. I’d better ask the HSE for a ruling!